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NYMPHOMANIAC CONVENTION 8/3/2007
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, ...
1 Comments, 62 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
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The Farmer and the Cow 8/3/2007
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident., In court, the
trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning
Clyde,
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,
'I'm fine, '?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened.
I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."
I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted.
"Just ...
1 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score |
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Subject: DICTIONARY 8/2/2007
> >DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL
ADS: >>40-ish...................................49.
>>Adventurous........................Slept
with everyone. >>Athletic.................................No
breasts. >>Average looking.....................Moooo.
>>Beautiful.............................Pathological
liar. >>Emotionally Secure................On medication. ...
3 Comments, 69 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
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Soft and Hard 8/2/2007
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your
heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your ...
1 Comments, 132 Views,
21 Votes
,6.96 Score |
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Pray hard 8/2/2007
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only
know how to say one thing." "What do they say?"
the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you
want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest
exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said,
"You know, I may have a ...
1 Comments, 106 Views,
16 Votes
,5.92 Score |
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A new way to loose weight 8/2/2007
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact
that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees
is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed
like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think
they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10
LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at ...
1 Comments, 84 Views,
16 Votes
,6.21 Score |
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The Big Race 8/2/2007
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score |
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Tattoo on yer dick 8/2/2007
ELTON JOHN GOES TO A TATOOiST & SAY`S I WANT A ROLLS ROYCE
TATTOED ON HIS DICK, TATOOiST SAYS "YOU'D BE
BETTER OFF WITH A LANDROVER SO IT DON'T GET STUCK IN
THE SHIT"
1 Comments, 112 Views,
18 Votes
,6.67 Score |
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Another joke 8/2/2007
Two women who are on their way back from a night out stop on
a graveyard for a wee (as you do ladies).. one wipes herself with her knickers and throws them away,
while the other uses a wreath..
Their husbands are in the pub the next evening....
Husband 1 says: i think my wife is having and affair, she
came home last night with no knickers on?
Husband 2 replies: Well you ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
22 Votes
,5.77 Score |
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Council complaint letters 8/2/2007
Council complaint letters These are supposedly genuine clips from council complaint
letters:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
passage has fungus growing in it.
3. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house
and I just can't take it anymore.
4. I want some repairs done to my ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
17 Votes
,6.80 Score |
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redneck girlfriend 8/1/2007
How can u tell if ur girlfriend is a redneck? A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the sametime and
knows which one to spit, shes a redneck
1 Comments, 68 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
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A Ring 7/31/2007
An older gentleman walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful
young lady on his arm. He asks the clerk to show him something
"special". The clerk shows the man a ring, and
tells him it is on sale for $5, 000. The older man says "
I don't think you understand. I'm looking for
something far more special than that". After this
goes on for a while, the clerk finally pulls out the most
gorgeous ring ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
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Old lady and the vibrator 7/31/2007
One day a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young
clerk couldn't help but notice her, first because
she reminded him of his grandmother, and second because
she was twitching violently and trembling even more than
his grandmother did. "Young m-m-man' she stammered to the clerk,
Do you sell v-vibrators here"? "Yes ma'am we do" he replied , a little embarrassed.
"b-b-big fl-flourescent ...
3 Comments, 169 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
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Races 7/29/2007
1-----Passion-------20-1 2-----Bare Belly----5-1 3-----Conscience----99-1 4-----Heavy Bosom---8-1 5-----Cute Pussy----4-1 6-----Jockey Shorts-6-1 7-----Clean Sheets--11-1 8-----Silk Panties--10-1 9-----Thighs--------15-1 10-----Big Dick------7-1
At the post; CONSCIECE lags, HEAVY BOSOM rises, BIG DICK is acting up,
and CUTE PUSSY is smiling at ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score |
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The difference 7/28/2007
Question: What is the difference between a slut
and a bitch?
Answer: A slut does everyone, a bitch does everyone
except for you!
1 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score |
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Wise Old Indian Chief 7/27/2007
Indian Chief, "Two Eagles, " was asked by a
white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90
years.
You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's
done."
The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these
events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" ...
1 Comments, 141 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score |
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Another blonde joke 7/27/2007
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were at the gynecologist
having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the redhead
"In what position was the baby conceived?"
"I was on the bottom!" she replied. "You
will have a boy" the doctor said. The brunette was asked the same question. "I was on
top" was the reply. "You will have a girl"
said the doctor. With this the blonde broke out in tears. "Whats the ...
1 Comments, 128 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score |
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It keeps happening 7/26/2007
>> >> YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID These people prove it
is a terminal condition. As >> always, competition this year has been keen.
The candidates this year >> are... >> >> >> Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
stuck and drowned in >> two feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide >> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. >> >> Seventh Place A 49-year-old San ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
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Flat Belly 7/26/2007
A little boy walks into his parents'
room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her and quickly dismounts, worried about
what her has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find
him. The sees his mom and asks, "What were you and
Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a
big tummy and sometimes I have to get on ...
2 Comments, 166 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score |
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The Trainee Priest 7/26/2007
Father Frank, the trainee priest, has been left in charge
of the daily confessioal by Father Ernest who gave him a
list of sins and their appropriate absolutions. "Forgive me Father, " says the first sinner.
"For I have stolen." Father Frank consults
his list. For stealing you must say 7 Hail Mary's."
The second sinner confesses to lying and after looking
it up on his list Father Frank deals out ...
2 Comments, 161 Views,
15 Votes
,3.74 Score |
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Why do Basketball players make crummy lovers? 7/25/2007
LOL.. I love this one because my husband plays in a couple
of basketball leagues during the winter...
So... Why do Basketball players make crummy lovers???
Because they dribble before they shoot!!!
2 Comments, 178 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score |
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a new couple 7/24/2007
a guy and gal date for a year, but they both agree not to have
sex til they are married, well the year goes by and soon they
are to wed. the few minutes before the wedding she confesses
that the breasts he has not seen are just padding, she was
flat as a board. he tells her that's ok hun breasts are
not the important thing, I love you. then he says I have a
confession to make also, I am hung like ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score |
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Honeymooners 7/24/2007
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon
room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she
stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her.
He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always
wear the pants in the ...
1 Comments, 146 Views,
14 Votes
,4.74 Score |
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Kentucky fried chicken 7/24/2007
Q. Why are women like Kentucky
Fried Chicken? A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts,
all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in....
1 Comments, 39 Views,
12 Votes
,4.04 Score |
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Oral sex & Anal sex 7/24/2007
Q. What's the difference
between oral sex and anal sex? A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak....
1 Comments, 68 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score |
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Bungee Jumping & Hookers 7/24/2007
Q. What does bungee jumping
and hookers have in common? A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks,
you're screwed....
1 Comments, 24 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score |
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Wonder Bra 7/24/2007
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went....
1 Comments, 28 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score |
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Yankee 7/24/2007
Q. What's the definition
of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only
you do it yourself....
1 Comments, 21 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score |
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Why men die first. 7/24/2007
Q. Why do men die before their
wives? A. They want to....
1 Comments, 40 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score |
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How to make your wife scream! 7/24/2007
Q. How do you make your wife scream
while having sex? A. Call her and tell her....
1 Comments, 87 Views,
12 Votes
,4.04 Score |