Hi there, I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 6-12 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possible legal proceedings. My name is Joe. I live in Kansas City. I’m 47 years old & fairly well educated. I hold down a good job and am pretty stable overall. I’m often told by members of the opposite sex, with the exception of my ex, that I’m fairly good looking but I’ll let you be the judge of that. I'm anywhere between Verne Troyer and Vin Diesel depending on the health of your eyesight and ambient lighting. I’m generally a very caring and honest man but have been known to run out of fucks to give on occasion. I am looking for an attractive female or lesbian couple who will at first give me obsessive love, praise, and devotion but whose paranoia, self-loathing, and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her/them to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to her/their infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or all parties involved. If we’re lucky, including any pets on the periphery!!

My Ideal Person You should:
-Be 25 to 45 years old

-Have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships.

-Enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex with one or more simultaneous participants (someone has to work the camera after all!)

- Must not believe two wrongs make a right but two wrongs make it *feel* alright.

- Must be willing to have sex because someone you've met has an in-ground swimming pool and still possess ample disgust when one suggests you might be a gold-diggerl

-Be willing to go to the extremes for your infidelity. If you're not willing to milk me for thousands of dollars in one week while on a drug fueled bender and end our relationship so you can fly someone in you've met online to stay in my house and pleasure him in my bed so you can "sample an import" before feeding him the food I bought as he watches my TV until you both fall asleep in each others arms under my roof then you don't possess the level of commitment I'm looking for.

- I would greatly enjoy it at any time prior to the actual physical consummation of your liaison if you would use sex & love as weapons to keep me from seeking solace and comfort in the arms of another yet once he has arrived to ignore me completely.

- You should be able to respond to all all third party questions about any relationship problems with the utmost sincerity placing the blame squarely where it belongs. On MY shoulders.

- Have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past and be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner to make them stay with and care for you.

- Have an ability to be disrespectful and hurtful yet still maintaining composure enough to proclaim complete innocence even in the presence of photographic evidence.

- Must also possess the ability to lie convincingly to any interested (and mostly disinterested) 3rd parties.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:

- With nice smiles and bedroom eyes.

- That have either larger than average breasts or a shapely posterior.

- Enjoy creativity and playfulness in the bedroom when I'm actually there to enjoy it as well. I do so love being involved once in a while.

- Who are discreetly married or are already in unstable relationships. A partner recently paroled from prison for a violent crime who doesn’t care if they go back would be a plus! I do so love the suspense!

- That drink to forget.

- Secretly harbor a hardcore habitual drug habit and are willing to try to force that habit on me.

- Enjoy giving and receiving oral sex but only insofar as I'm present when it happens.

- Who enjoy the spontaneity and excitement of carrying on a secret online affair through multiple dummy online accounts while, simultaneously, projecting your own guilt onto me in a constant campaign of accusatory remarks and underhanded comments.

- Who have had a previously established diagnosis of Borderline/Dependent Personality Disorder or Bipolar Affective Disorder.

- Who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRI’s, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants.

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow. I’m getting excited just writing them!) please don’t hesitate to contact me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading and please do take care.

All the best,
Joe

PS: This is written as a time saver in recognition of the big flashing neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can apparently see except me.